Running From The Scene

So, I would be lying to say I'm not still in love with her. It would be a rather bold faced lie, and I doubt I could pull it off convincingly, no matter how much I'm sure everyone wants to hear it. Doesn't work that way. I know it's a bad situation, with unfortunate circumstances, and that really it would probably make everyone happy in the short term for me to just watch my hands of the entire situation and cut all ties. Short term.

I strongly doubt it would make me happy in the long term, or the short term. Likewise for her. It's stupid silly drama that makes complete sense, and only two people actually take the time to think about the long term.

I don't want this to seem like I'm shutting out all other options as far as women are concerned, I'm not against seeing someone else at all. I'm just depressed at the moment, and it's because of thinking about this, and so now I'm getting it all out. There are other girls I'm interested in, yeah. None of it is going anywhere though. And in the end, even when I try to deny still loving her, I'm just lying to myself at that point, and really I should be able to trust myself.

Part of it is just the thought that I'm going to end up staying alone. I like being single, I dislike being alone. Being alone makes me feel like I'm always going to be that way and end up dying someday as a lonely old man who didn't have anyone to share life with. No 25 year old should have thoughts like that. But hey, I do.

Don't pull out some "there's someone for everyone" explanation, please. It's really not true, otherwise people wouldn't end up alone. People who find someone are truly lucky and should cherish that.

I started to type out part of Moulin Rouge (shut up, it's a guilty pleasure movie), but it's really not worth it in the end.

Ignore my ramblings, I'll be fine in a few days.

Sometimes I feel the sin rage inside my soul
Sometimes I feel like just letting it take control
And then the pain I feel, the times I stray,
Would be the slightest regret that I just push away
And as I try to stand my heart is filled with nothing but hurt
My feet are heavy as they're pushing me down in the dirt
And all I ask is you don't give up on me
Someday I'll live like you died for me
"Running From the Scene" - Manic Bloom