Ho Ho Ho.

Figuring out what I want to do for Christmas this year. The original idea was to drive up to my mom's, pick her up, and drive back to Columbus. I could still drive there and back, but 6-7 hours of driving all by myself in one day isn't exactly something I want to do.

Last year, I sat at home by myself, had a big fight with Heather after which she refused to talk to me, and watched House for most of the day. All in all a somewhat depressing Christmas, but not a bad one.

So I think this year, depending on what marathon is on, I'll either finish clearing out the basement, spend my day with another marathon, or have a most epic session of gaming. Yes, this is how I spend holidays when I'm either not with lots of family, or with someone I'm dating.

And because I know my darling sister will point out that I can go to her house... No. I love my niece and nephew, but I hate being around couples and their children this time of year, unless the couple involved are my parents. It's depressing. So I don't do it.

Day after Christmas, go to grandma's, duck out early, etc..

Sometime in January, I think Kristy + Family and I are going to Mentor to see mom, so that should be fun

Dreamland

I'm really nostalgic lately.

So, I got a call to set an interview for China, apparently on January 8th... Tho I found out today I have the option to do it much sooner, so I may jump on that and get it over with. Either way I won't find out til late January/early February if I get to go. I'm a bit nervous about it, which is weird... I haven't really been nervous about any of my previous job interviews, probably because... well.. so far I've always gotten the job, I guess. Oh well, best of luck to me?

I'm also really flippin' annoyed that one of the myriad Sarah's I know has told me repeatedly that I shouldn't go, she doesn't want me to go, and that she hopes I don't get the job. Who does that? I mean really. Especially since she has a boyfriend. Really, what the flip? Not cool.

Rainbow Edge

I've been finishing up Chrono Trigger, since I was basically at the end of the game to begin with (for DS, I finished it on the playstation sometime last year for the same reason). I picked it up right before my trip to CA, so it's basically what I played during the trip there, and at night in my hotel room before bed. I covered aloooooot of ground in that time, and apparently even finished all the side quests. I would have beaten the game entirely, but I used the trip back to play through all of Lego Batman, since it was a gift from Heather and I really hadn't touched it >_>

But anyway. Chrono Trigger. Amazing game.

I need to dig out my copy of Hotel Dusk: Room 215 to give to mom, because its an amazing game and I think she'll enjoy it. You will, mom. Look it up on wikipedia. :)

Wednesday is the zoo! There will be pictures.

I've kinda figured out what to do with the walls of the basement. There are wall graphics for Mario, New Super Mario, and Invaders... Definetely thinking of painting the walls black and putting Invaders on the back wall. It's that, or paint them light blue and use the Mario ones.

The clock is Megaman. Pillows and quilt are Link, from Zelda. I have a Link standee from Twilight Princess that will stand in the path to the back supply closet room place. Gotta buy the futon, my dish chair is going down there, there are already TV stands... Probably going to have an empty stand for when Robert brings his TV over (he has a 23" LCD that he prefers using whenever possible), the new TV in the middle, and a smaller one on the other side. Or maybe I'll just use two. I'll have to decide when everything else is down there. Regardless, I'm looking forward to having a room thats all things I want to be there. Once it's done I'm having a movie night, and inviting people to come over and hang out and watch Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland.

Dragonfruit!

So much working -_-
Sooo sleepy.

Work til 3am tonight, tomorrow, 2am Sunday, 3am Monday, midnight Tuesday... bleh.

So the total cost for things that I want to buy for my basement is about $815, not including shipping on some things. This includes the futon, an 8" mattress (a "maybe", depending on how the one it comes with holds up), and a clock. Already have TV stand, my chair for down there, and the pillows and quilt are from grandma. I may make/ask to have made a crochet rug/blanket thing to put on the floor since its hardwood. I've seen what I kinda want for it, and it seems pretty easy to make, but I dunno. It's just a bunch of quilted squares stiched together to make a giant Megaman... or mario, or link, I haven't decided. I may get a tetris rug.

Soooooo I have to find out when my date with Sarah is, and I asked Ramona to dinner so I can get to know her better. Now I just need to not work alllllll the time.

Quel'Delar

Had my first phone interview for teh China, I think it went well. They said they'd give me a call to set up a face to face interview for the near future. Fingers crossed

Yesterday was Patch Day. Non-WoW players may not understand this... Patch Day is the day to do tons of stuff outside of the game, because... well... you can't play the game. What happens is, Blizzard will release a major content patch, which is necessary to play the game. They claim servers will be back up at 11 AM PST. Servers ACTUALLY come back up between 3 and 6 PM PST, maybe. For instance, yesterday, when all of my friends who play WoW (and, to a lesser extent, me) kept checking until around 7 PM our time for the servers to be up. I say to a lesser extent, because I think I only checked it twice. I had better things to do with my time yesterday. Tho I did log in eventually, run the new content, and get an item that I really only wanted for in-game lore reasons. (WoW is like a novel thats constantly getting bigger)

Next week, going to the zoo to see the lights with Ramona, Jennifer, and whoever else they bring. Should be a good time.

Didn't get to go with Sarah, btw, because she had a sinus infection.

Blaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhrage.

So in two weeks I'll have one less coworker... Which means longer weeks? Yeah, sounds about right.

I figured out how to do the happy fun time excel sheet I'm supposed to work on. And I did it without the assistance of the analyst that was supposed to help me. Thumbs up.

There are no less than 5 people I have imagined being in my favorite game as of late. Running up the them in 15th century Italy, snikt, walk away. Good times.

Also? People are stupid. Remarkably so.

New study finds that loneliness is contagious? Huh. Also, some lady claims she saw the Virgin Mary in a pancake. A PANCAKE.

If I built a giant robot with which to conquer the world? Oh, it'd be on.

Today has not been a good day. >.<

Manipulative and evil

I almost laughed when I was called that. No, really. A girl said that I'm a manipulative and evil man, because I try to manipulate as many women as I can into falling in love with me so that I always have something to fall back on if whatever girl I'm currently pursuing/dating doesn't work out. Apparently thats what "flirting" really is.

This is really funny since only two women have ever told me they loved me (as non-family, and more than a friend). I must be really terrible at what I apparently do to have only succeeded twice, and with girls I was in a relationship with no less. I think it's far more likely that the female in question is out of her flippin mind.

So this blonde friend of mine (I give you a hair color so that you know it's not anyone I've dated, as I really don't think I've ever dated a blonde) keeps showing up in my dreams lately. Not romantic dreams or anything like that, just my normal every night dreaming. In the most RANDOM of places. Like my office, which is totally out of place, etc. I think she practices voodoo sorcery and is forcing her way in there to creep me out.

I think I may take one of my novel ideas, write a short story, and see if it gets published. If for no other reason, to boost my ego and assure me that a story I want to tell is appealing.

Grandma agreed to make me my Legend of Zelda quilt for Christmas!

I've started watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and it makes me laugh. Quite a bit.

So I guess in early December, Sarah and I are going to the zoo to see the lights, and to dinner at some point... Should be fun, as I haven't seen her in a few years.

Tell me now, is there a man among you here,
Is there no one who will stand up and try to fight?
Tell me man, is there not one in all your ranks,
Is there no one who values courgage over life?

They looked to me once, now they turn to you
Do you understand now, do you see that the truth is
They don't want to change this, they don't want a hero
They just want a martyr, a statue to raise

The Protomen - The Stand (Man or Machine)

Christmas!

I have no idea what people want. Well, except me. I know something I want.

I asked my grandma to make me a quilt for christmas. Not just any quilt, oh no.

A Zelda quilt. Assuming she's up to the task (which I don't really need by christmas anyway), I'm going to have to pick a sprite image of Link at some point to have this made.

I hope she says yes, because my inner nerd cries out for more Zelda stuff in my house.

And more blankets, as so far I have 4 blankets that were made from me (from grandma, aunt Jan, and Heather)

Blah.

People are stupid and I want to set them on fire.

Thats not true.

Well, mostly.

So Marissa had a good visit, she left yesterday morning. Good times, good food, and it was really relaxing to just hang out with people. Note - Just a friend, will never be anything more than that and I've never thought of/felt about her in any other way. She's not my type, and beyond that it would be really wierd.

I'm working on not having a crush on someone right now. This usually doesn't go well for me, but I think I can pull it off.

Plottin' and Schemin'

So Marissa is visiting for like two weeks, fun fun times. Its fun to hang out with her again, especially since I've never heard someone tear into a person so bad for just being stupid. Win.

Anyway yeah. I still have to work for a good portion of said visit, so Matt has been good enough to take her along and do fun stuff. Yesterday they went to the lodge and tooled around for awhile, then watched movies and such at the house til I got off work.. Then we all went to Verge's place and chilled with him and Levi. Good. Times.

Speaking of the lodge, apparently I'm the only one who hasn't been there, because I always work when they go. - Matt's dad (my landlord) has something like 55 properties in the Columbus/Westerville area, and a lodge up in Hocking that houses like 20 people and is really nice. We're going on... Thursday night? And coming back Friday when the people who rent it for the weekend show up.

Apparently all Ohio women, especially the ones Matt and I know, are plottin' and schemin' tricks. Relatives excluded.

Law Abiding Citizen - Good movie. GREAT movie.

LMFAO is terrible music. I am greatly unimpressed.

Mad at Gravity, on the other hand, is really good. Actually, here's 10 bands I've been listening to.

1 - Mad at Gravity
2 - Breaking Benjamin
3 - Fort Minor
4 - Queen
5 - Boston
6 - Manic Bloom
7 - Justice
8 - Masterplan
9 - The Lonely Island
10 - Eve 6 (while I wait for them to release an album, now that they've re-formed)

I've been having the strangest dreams lately. Like, "wow, where did that come from?" kinds of dreams.

Relentless

I really need to leave Ohio for a bit. Actually, the surrounding area is out too. I'm thinking somewhere warm, either on the coast or in a different country. Stupid midwest.

I've been having a blast doodling things for Nom. It's very very nice to not feel as chained to it as something with a set storyline.

Nom: A Zombie Love Story

Can't decide between "Romance" and "Love Story", but oh well. Going to put down thoughts on it in this post.

The "hero" of our story is John. John is your average American, working in a mind numbing job in retail, without any real drive to change. John is the unfortunate 12th victim of the zombie plague, making his undead rebirth well before the inevitable zombie apocalypse. After a short time touring the afterlife, including different religious views of heaven and hell, John find himself inexplicably pulled back to his body, some 6 hours after his death occured while waiting for a crosswalk to turn green. After awakening on a cold slab in the morgue, John proceeds to snack on the assistant medical examiner, and then calmly exits the building to go home. An interesting side effect of the undead plague is a mental disconnect between what is or is not normal behavior. Because of this, John walks home normally (having found his clothing), sits down in his favorite chair, goes about his day. The following day when he leaves to walk to work, John ends up at a gathering of undead a short distance from his house, at which point his fellow zombies explain exactly what happened to him, and why it is that he's had uncontrollable body odor. John chooses to go by the name "Hank", as John is a girls name in Gurrrrrrhgh, the native tongue of the undead. Hank tries to live a normal human life, despite being an undead and causing all around him to flee in terror, until he falls in love with Amy, a human woman that works for the local supermarket.

Zombies in this story have a constant stench and shamble at a ridiculously slow pace. Not necessarily due to decomposing tissues or slow brain function, but mostly because they just aren't motivated to move faster. Also, not all victims of the zombie become zombie themselves. Only the "Alpha Zombie" of a particular area is able to create new zombies... The alpha zombie is usually a victim of their own laziness (the zombie who turned our hero, for instance, choked on a handful of cheetos while playing an online game for 3 days straight). Due to alpha zombies having not been bitten, they tend to look like very sick people rather than undead. Zombies are also able to feed on any type of living flesh, not just brains or humans. Zombies retain most of their intelligence, however the deterioration of their vocal cords prevents them from speaking most human languages (at least one zombie will speak french, however), and as such they speak Gurrrrrrhgh, and have a natural understanding of it. Normal humans hear this as moans and groans. Humans also tend to not kill zombies unless necessary, as they're already slow enough that even the morbidly obese can avoid them if they pay attention. Instead they flee in terror at a moderate pace.

Hank does many things to try and appear human and win the heart of Amy throughout the course of the story. Hilarity will ensue.

Keeping busy.

It's good to have things to work on and occupy the mind. Rather than just putting in ridiculous amounts of hours at work though, I'm working on more and more stories.

My post apocalyptic graphic novel, which is a painstaking process.

Nom: A Zombie Romance. Really just short little one shots. Its about a guy who is bitten by a zombie just before a quarantine is enacted, and how as a zombie he falls in love with a human woman. Hilarity ensues. Title may change before I put it online.

Running From The Scene

So, I would be lying to say I'm not still in love with her. It would be a rather bold faced lie, and I doubt I could pull it off convincingly, no matter how much I'm sure everyone wants to hear it. Doesn't work that way. I know it's a bad situation, with unfortunate circumstances, and that really it would probably make everyone happy in the short term for me to just watch my hands of the entire situation and cut all ties. Short term.

I strongly doubt it would make me happy in the long term, or the short term. Likewise for her. It's stupid silly drama that makes complete sense, and only two people actually take the time to think about the long term.

I don't want this to seem like I'm shutting out all other options as far as women are concerned, I'm not against seeing someone else at all. I'm just depressed at the moment, and it's because of thinking about this, and so now I'm getting it all out. There are other girls I'm interested in, yeah. None of it is going anywhere though. And in the end, even when I try to deny still loving her, I'm just lying to myself at that point, and really I should be able to trust myself.

Part of it is just the thought that I'm going to end up staying alone. I like being single, I dislike being alone. Being alone makes me feel like I'm always going to be that way and end up dying someday as a lonely old man who didn't have anyone to share life with. No 25 year old should have thoughts like that. But hey, I do.

Don't pull out some "there's someone for everyone" explanation, please. It's really not true, otherwise people wouldn't end up alone. People who find someone are truly lucky and should cherish that.

I started to type out part of Moulin Rouge (shut up, it's a guilty pleasure movie), but it's really not worth it in the end.

Ignore my ramblings, I'll be fine in a few days.

Sometimes I feel the sin rage inside my soul
Sometimes I feel like just letting it take control
And then the pain I feel, the times I stray,
Would be the slightest regret that I just push away
And as I try to stand my heart is filled with nothing but hurt
My feet are heavy as they're pushing me down in the dirt
And all I ask is you don't give up on me
Someday I'll live like you died for me
"Running From the Scene" - Manic Bloom

Blah.

Being single has never really bothered me, per se. Yeah, the loneliness that shows up sometimes sucks, but at the same time I've always had single friends to hang out with and have fun, so it wasn't really an issue.

I'm the only single one now. This, is an issue.

Actually, that's not an entirely true statement. All of the friends whom I hang out with are in relationships, the rest have conflicting schedules with mine. So the ones I do get to see are all in relationships.

Panda has Kate. Kate's awesome, I love hanging out with her, but at the same time I can't hang out with Panda and Kate because I end up being the third wheel. I rarely get to hang out with just Panda, because he's always busy with work or out with Kate. Tavish has whoever his current long distance lady is, and spends all of his time talking to her. Or at work. Robert has Steph, which, granted, I never hang out with the two of them at the same time, but thats not the point. Jess and Kelly are married, as are several other friends of mine.

I was horribly unhappy when I realized I became "the single one". What the hell. That is not at all how this is supposed to work.

Hero of the day

So I definetely just saved a life (read: my own) while at work.

For reasons I won't get in to, whilst I was eating my burrito from Chipotle about 30 minutes ago, something surprised me in such a way that a sizeable piece of food became lodged in my throat. I'm the only person here this late, and so I did the first thing that came to mind (knowing how to do the heimlich manuever on others)... I punched myself in the stomach.

Shot some food in a projectile manner, my stomach hurts from the fact that I was just hit there by some jerk, but regardless, crisis averted.

Outside of that, it's been a pretty normal week. Work, hanging out, etc... Going to Shadowbox on Saturday, which should be a good time because I haven't gone in awhile.. Going with a group of friends, get to see Lynsey again, fun fun. There's something I'm supposed to do tomorrow, but I don't recall at the moment what it is. Sunday, too. Monday I may be going out to dinner or something with Lynsey, she just needs to find out what her work schedule is like, which she will know on Saturday.

The new Breaking Benjamin CD is amazing by the way. Pick it up. "Dear Agony" is the album title.

Paradox

For a person as smart as I am (or at least as smart as I think I am, which is pretty smart), I have many stupid thoughts. Ideas, plans, hopes, etc. Terribly, horribly stupid ones.

None that I would care to mention though. My fragile ego can't stand it.

So anyway, I bought a new car.. 2002 Mitsubishi Eclipse, silver, automatic, much better than the cavalier, etc. The important part (to me) is that I actually got to choose what I was spending my money on this time. I didn't pick either of my previous cars, they were chosen for me. And for the cavalier I had to pay the cost plus interest (you'd think, seeing as I paid for it, I would have gotten to choose it)

Finally got my Red Lantern hoodie, which I ordered in early July. It's been in stock the whole time, but it was a customer service nightmare. Never buy from Coast City Styles (they specialize in comic related clothing and accessories)

I also got my new sunglasses, and I quite like them. I've never had a pair of aviators before, but they're comfortable and look nice on me (I think)

I'm very carefully keeping myself from making poor relationship decisions (at least for now). I think I've had enough of those for quite some time. Falling for women in relationships, women I shouldn't be with, etc.. Not so much down for any of that right now.

You know what I am down for though?

Nazi Zombies. Oh man. So much more fun than I've had with a game in a long time.

Still plugging away at my various writing projects. The main one is wreaking havoc on my poor wrist, but thats my own fault for being a perfectionist with the art. I plan to invest in a wacom tablet in the future to make it a bit easier, since I won't have to redraw an image when I don't like part of it.

That's really all I have to update on.

May be buying a new (used) car soon...

Nothing special, just something reliable for point A to B stuff.

Thing is, my current car has issues that make it worthless as a trade in (tho it still does the A to B stuff), so I may make it a little project to fix the minor stuff (read: radiator leak) and then take it to a shop to see if there's anything major, then give it away or something. Of course, I may just sell it as a project car. Who knows.

Living contradiction

So apparently my therapist finds it humorous that I have strong issues with self esteem, yet am horribly arrogant. Disregarding that the confidence only applies to some things, and the self esteem issues to others.

I've been listening to alot of random music lately, the joys of putting iTunes on shuffle. A bit of Queen, Eve 6, Breaking Benjamin... Not to mention the Depeche Mode and Duran Duran. But then I remembered there was a new single out from BB, and it just dropped two days ago, so I gave it a listen. Or a watch, rather, as the "release" was actually the music video. Really very good. The song is going to be in this new Bruce Willis flick called "Surrogates" that looks pretty interesting, and the music video is a good blend of scenes from the movie and scenes of the band. It's on their Myspace page atm, but you can probably find it on youtube (I Will Not Bow).

So right now I'm waiting for the dryer to finish so I can rotate laundry... Watching Hot Fuzz.. and writing. I've been writing alot lately. Usually I just come up with a story and then try to make images to go with it, I almost never try to tell a story with just words. Fun times tho. After I finish a chapter or so I'll put it up here or email it out

Why yes, I am that awesome.

I actually said that to someone earlier. It felt good to be arrogant again, since for the past few weeks my standard confident, self assured attitude was fading as I found myself chasing after the wrong girl, knowing full well it wouldn't happen anytime soon.

HOWEVER... Something clicked in my mind the other day. It was something to the effect of "@#$% the dumb *&$%! I'm too good to be brought down by this!" And after that I felt great. Because you know what? It's true. I am too good to be brought down by how I feel about some girl. I'm too good to be brought down by ANYTHING. I'm bulletproof. I've put myself through worse than anyone else could ever hope to, and came out on top.

In other news, I'm really liking how my schedule is done now. Apparently I missed my window to skydive this year (I was told they're booked up for the rest of the season), so I signed up for one first thing next spring. Yes, I will jump out of a plane. I will FLY.

Sean moved out this morning, so hopefully Florida works well for him. I wish him all the best.

Been listening to alot of my old CDs lately... Especially Eve 6. It's great that I can not hear anything by them for months, then pop in a CD and know every song.

It's a good day. Tomorrow will be too.

Bleh.

I need to work on having something of a regular sleep schedule. The past few nights I've been up until 5 or 6 am, going to sleep, and then waking up at noon-ish. I'm completely fine with waking up at noon (closing shifts at work this week), but I do want more than 5 or 6 hours of restful sleep. Stupid chatting.

I've had to start wearing belts, as I'm getting slimmer and its making all my pants fit kinda loose. :x

Heather sent me a song the other day, it's actually not bad. "This is me not in denial for a hot second. This song is all for you" is all she said about it, and that was after I had started listening to the song, so I didn't really notice until like 20 minutes later. "Nothing Can Change That" by The Secret Handshake.

Tomorrow? G.I. Joe and the start of my 4 day weekend. That movie is only going to be good for two things.. Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow, and Scarlett vs. Baroness.

I really want my other hoodie and bag to show up. >:( Apparently at some point in the future I'm also getting another box of baked goods. They were very tasty last time, so I anticipate this eagerly.

Bang.

I may be addicted to creating blogs. I have 4 at the moment... Personal, Complaining about the internet, Complaining about stupidity, and creative writing.

I actually got fully rested last night, it was amazing. Went to bed at... 4:45am? Woke up 8 hours later. Glorious. Yes, I was up late talking to a particular person, but I was also sketching for my book, listening to music, and such.

I got some of my GL merch yesterday too.. My order consisted of 3 items (BL Hoodie, RL Hoodie, and Ion T-shirt). I haven't received the RL hoodie. Tho I did buy a bag for my laptop, as well as Dragon Warrior for the NES. Great game.

So, productive discussion last night. Explained my annoyance with the fact that while I don't ever really hide any of how I feel (I can hide it well when I choose to, years of practice), I get to deal with Heather's self admitted denial of how she feels. This isn't a problem in and of itself, just that she's inconsistent with it and it slips quite often how she feels for me. Again, not intending to start anything with her, but you can see the source of annoyance, right? Being treated one way one day, and then totally different the next, and back and forth. It's not like one day she acts like she hates me or anything, just that it goes from loving me to us just being good friends.

I've started going back and finishing old games lately... I'm pretty bad about that. I'll buy a game, get 2/3 of the way through it, then get another game and never finish. Well, right now there's a lull of games I want to get, and I got tired of having things undone. So I started by finishing Fable 2 and inFamous. Next up is probably Prototype, Half Life 2, LEGO Indiana Jones, and some DS games. All while continuing with my book.

Also? Eve 6 is great music. I've had all their albums for awhile, and just listened to them again recently after my Duran Duran and Depeche Mode ran out.

You can't uninstall Evil.

I've been fleshing out dialogue and story for my book. Tis fun times, especially with the sketching. It's actually really.. Really hard for me to do. :x

See, I start every picture with a rough sketch, and then build on it. A common approach. The act of laying out a panel, though, is to do pretty much all rough sketches, and then redraw each.

I can't stop at rough sketch. I keep drawing. And then when I don't like it, I do the whole thing over, because I still don't have a rough sketch.

You know what I really miss? Phantasy Star Online. Great Dreamcast game.. I made my sister drive me to Media Play back when it came out (like, January of my junior year?)... Played that game so much. Now they have this Phantasy Star Universe crap, which is decent I suppose, but nowhere near as fun as PSO.

I'm excited for the Green Lantern movie. Ryan Reynolds is a good pick, I think, although he would be better suited to Kyle Rayner then Hal Jordan. Avatar, on the other hand, I dread. M. Night Shamamamamama is going to screw it up. Hard.

1 more hour at work. Off tomorrow, work 4 days, off 4 days. Good stuff.

I need a massage. May look into getting one Friday.

Eh.

There are times when I genuinely hate not being able to completely control my emotions. Which is silly, really, since the whole point is that you aren't really supposed to control them. Tho, if I could, I would probably just flip a switch and turn some of them off right now, because really, it makes things less of an annoyance.

I like my new body wash, because it makes my skin ridiculous soft. Wow, that was feminine. But it's true. Sooooo soft.

Enjoying the laptop so far.. Bought a mouse for it yesterday, wireless and designed for use with a notebook pc.

I really.. Really hate stupid people. Specifically the people that call off at work lately. "Well, it's not really my fault that I didn't call off sooner, because I forgot I had to work, so can you just take off the no call no show?" No. You didn't call, you didn't show.

I hunger.

Work today, tomorrow, then off for three days. Sean's girlfriend is coming to visit for a week, starting on my first day off. I think a week after she leaves is when he's moving.

I'm seriously going to have to hit Panda in the face with a hammer. Dude was supposed to pay me 50 bucks a month, every month, since he graduated, as long as his stuff is in my house. He has paid for one month. He also bought me a PS3 (on sale for 400), so 9 months total covered.
HE GRADUATED LIKE 3 YEARS AGO. So he's supposed to start paying now, right.. "Well, if I ever go to the bank I'll take out money to pay you, but I'm never there"... He works at his bank. 5 days a week.

Going. To destroy him.

Odd tastes

So, it was recently said to me that I have some very unusual tastes. The whole thing started because I was in bed at the time and made a complaint about my pillow. The problem?

My pillow wasn't cold.

I know, right? So apparently it's an odd preference to have a cold, or at least not warm, pillow. I seriously cannot fall asleep if my pillow is above a certain temperature... This is why I tend to leave it near where the AC vent is whenever its moderately warm outside.

Other odd tastes.

I like instant lemonade best when it has slightly too much water. I like peaches that aren't fully ripe yet. I prefer fries that are "limp" as opposed to crispy. This isn't really odd, but apparently is out of place in my family, but I like steak and burgers to be medium rare, not medium well. Most of the time I would rather sit on the floor than on the couch, especially when playing Nintendo (the original, not one of the newer consoles). Oh hey, there's another, I like old video game music, especially when I'm going to take a nap. Personal favorites are the intro music to Megaman 3, Thray from Phantasy Star 4, and the title them for Zelda (as done in 8 bit. My mom called it elevator music).

Hokai, so...

I've got the laptop now.
It runs Vista, but I can bear with it until I get my free upgrade to Windows 7.
I opted for WinAMP instead of iTunes, cuz I like the customization.
It's set up for the wireless network in my house... And I can steal internet from my neighbors if mine goes out. Also, apparently I have three other people near me with the same internet service as me.
The only music on it is Duran Duran. Why? Because its all I've taken the time to download. I have like 15 days worth of music on my desktop.
I picked up a webcam for it too, with a built in mic and such. So now I can video chat with folks, tho I've only done so with one person.
That may have led to me staying up until 5am talking about random crap. :x Don't judge me!

So now all I can think of to buy is a headset (so that I don't have to keep taking the one from my desktop PC), a USB mouse (for if/when I play games on it, hate the touch pad for that), and a bag to carry it all in. Instead of getting a laptop bag, with all its weird compartments and such, I'm going to get a messenger bag. Laptop bags also cost like twice as much, so thats a key factor. I just need to find one I like.. Well, one I like enough to buy it. There's one I kinda want with a Zelda theme, where it has the Triforce logo in gold on top of a black and white background of the first game's world map... BUT! I know the ideal one I want. If I can find it, a black bag, with the Triforce/eagle logo in gray on the bottom right, but tilted, and large enough to take up like a third of the bag. I know I've seen it somewhere, now I just need to find it.

Seiten Taisei

It means "Great Sage".

So anyway, I opted to buy the laptop.. Tomorrow I'll have a (mostly) brand new Sony Vaio, for about 60% of its MSRP. Woot woot.

I realize that there are people who greatly disagree with some of the things I've done in life, and some of the things it's looking like I will do. Just trust that I can take care of myself, and anything I do is what I think will be right for me or make me happy in the end. I know it's easier said than done, but I'm also sure you know me well enough to know that I'm telling the truth.

No, I have not done anything stupid recently, nor do I plan to in the near future. I just wanted to get that out of the way now.

So apparently it's "Get in touch with your ex month"... Because for I have no idea what reason, exes keep trying to get in touch with me... I'm up to 5 now. 5! I didn't realize I even HAD 5 exes that I no longer talked to. Out of those 5, there's only 1 I even want to talk to. The rest are just.. I dunno. Having a crisis moment and telling me about how they made some huge mistake breaking up with me. I do not need my ego boosted any further.

So very looking forward to the August schedule. Why? Because I made the schedule. August and September. Everyone is off every other weekend, and the weekends you don't work are either 3 or 4 consecutive days off. Open and closing shifts are evenly distributed. AND... This is the best part.. AND... According to my boss, anyone that wants to take a day off on which they are currently scheduled, needs to either switch with a coworker or use vacation time for that day. No more uneven weekends for me! It's balanced!

I'M balanced again. This is great. Mentally, physically, emotionally in sync. I love this feeling. It's fantastic. I wanna go skydiving or something. Actually, I will. Next month on the 22nd, because I already know I don't work.

Randomness

The video for "Hungry Like the Wolf" is one of the weirdest things ever, but I'm addicted to the song for some unknown reason.

I may have a shiny new laptop for myself by the end of the week.

Better Off Ted is an amazing show. Burn Notice is still better.

I have apparently pissed off someone's boyfriend to the point where she isn't allowed to talk to me anymore. They've been dating a week. Somehow, I think I still win in that situation. It could be my arrogance, or it could be that I came out of it knowing I was the most adult party involved. Why was he so mad, you ask? Because he was being a little bitch when we were playing Halo, Tavish asked me why, and I told him the obvious answer... Because the kid has a fragile little ego, and he needs to boost it as much as he can, otherwise he cries himself to sleep. True story.

(Not) Surprisingly, I work 5 days this week instead of 4. Well, 4 and a half. BUT... Next week I only work 4. And my three days off are consecutive.

I find it odd that the aforementioned girl just texted me to say she's not talking to me anymore to protect me, and her relationship. For the record, I need no protection. From anyone. Especially not her boyfriend, cuz the kid is a twig. A slow twig that smokes and gets high all day, and could in no conceivable way harm me. I think he made mention once, either in person or on XBL, that he could totally take me in a fight. There was much laughter from everyone else around. I continue to win.

My new hoodies should get here this week!

http://nothingforx.blogspot.com/2009/07/metal-gear-solid-storytime-version.html

Everyone should watch that. It's funny. Funnier if you've played the game, but very entertaining nonetheless.

On fermented beverages

I very rarely drink. It's not that I dislike it or think it's wrong, I'm just rarely in the mood to do it. It's lost that new car feel. Tho, still, there are times I partake. Usually on New Years Eve, I drink quite a bit, which I've been told by friends leads to me being one of the funniest people ever... Because I become super nice. Like... I thought I was a nice person before. Apparently my honesty towards people comes off as me being an asshole (which, admittedly, I am a good portion of the time too).

I drink whenever I go to Shadowbox, unless I drove. So on my birthday for sure.

Friends birthdays, when they have parties involving drinking.

Tonight I just kinda felt like it. Didn't drink a lot, just enough to get a good buzz going.

One good reason not to drink? You start saying things that you mean, but don't want to say. Draw your own conclusions.

Another? Because I don't drink beer. Ever. I drink other forms of alcohol either straight, or mixed with some form of beverage. Like Coke or Dr. Pepper. I mostly gave up pop, and now the caffeine that was mixed with my alcohol is keeping me awake. Not cool.

So yeah. Moral of the story? Don't drink and talk. Or drink alcohol and caffeine together.

Also? I can type damn well, even when I've been drinking.

Comic Nerd Recap.

Going purely off of clothing items.

Current -
1 Green Lantern hat. (Classic GL symbol)
3 Green Lantern t-shirts (two of the Ion logo, got a new one since the other is wearing thin. One of Hal Jordan above the old GL comic logo)
3 Green Lantern hoodies (1 GL classic symbol, 1 Blue Lantern, 1 Red Lantern)
2 Batman t-shirts (1 classic Batman symbol, 1 Batman silhouette [gift from Heather])
1 Batman PJ Pants
1 Spider-Man t-shirt (classic Venom logo)
1 Spider-Man hat (movie 2, free from the theater)
1 Spider-Man club shirt (large Spidey image with nifty web background. For those who don't know, a club shirt is a button down shirt, usually of polyester or some other soft material)

Former -
1 Superman hat (Classic S shield symbol, now in the possession of Heather)
1 Green Lantern hoodie (Yellow Lantern symbol on black, also in the possession of Heather)

I believe from this recap it is plain what my favorite comic properties are.

Inevitable.

So I didn't talk to Heather for like 2 months. Once because she went crazy on me for no apparent reason, then we talked about a month later and she said she just needed space from me, so I didn't bother trying to talk to her after that.



Then I played Halo with a friend of hers. Said friend started an online relationship with one of Sean's friends that played with us, so Heather called me to ask about this young fellow, because she was concerned for her friend. She was kinda a jerk about it, but my attitude was basically whatever and I was a jerk in response. Next day she apologized, we talked about why we didn't really talk for two months, etc...



Basically, she was trying to be the bitter ex, with nothing to be bitter about. Talking to me just reminded her of how she felt about me and that she was happy with me, and had basically ended a relationship with the most perfect person for her, and it made her upset, etc. So she had spent 2 months trying to forget all about me, and it didn't work out terribly well. Or it may have, but when she started talking to me again it all fell apart. Actually before she started talking to me.



See, the reason she was a jerk about her friend and that situation is because earlier that day she went to Steak and Shake for the first time. If I was ever hungry and talking to her at like 1am, I went to Steak and Shake, so she associated it with me, and it made her remember everything happy about us. So we started talking normally again.



Unfortunately, normal for us means there's a lot of attraction, inevitably with admitting that the feelings are there and that we want to be together but don't want it just yet because of issues involved.



I thought I was past that feeling. She thought she was past it. She pointed out that it was going to happen, the feelings and want to be together would happen, there was no avoiding it. I disagreed. She was right. I don't like being wrong, so that's a bit hard for me to admit.



Total time from starting to talk again to hitting that point - Like 8 days. If that. Well, let's see... We started talking again last... Wednesday? She said "I love you" onnnn...Wednesday? Yeah. So 7 days. It's something we're both somewhat avoiding talking about now.

Clearly, I'm just not as in control of myself as I thought I was.

Also, I realized that anonymous comments weren't allowed on here, and since some people reading don't have google accounts, I changed that. Have fun.

"You're f***ing up my chi"

Today has just been one big day of being unbalanced in any way I can think of. My chi is, as the quote suggests, effed up.

So for some reason, physically, I'm just off balance today. I keep slowly leaning to one side when I walk and almost tripping and such. I usually have great balance, but today its all out of whack.

Mentally, I'm so focused on anything put in front of me that I shoot off in millions of directions and get horribly scatterbrained, instead of my usual composed self.

I'm not even going to get into the emotional, lets just say its all out of whack too, which hasn't been an issue in awhile.

So my chi is effed and its making me all kinds of tired and sick feeling.

Yesterday, Brad went home sick from work, and he was the closer. I was the mid shift, so I picked up the extra hours and covered the close... No biggie, right? Dawna also called off yesterday, and she was the opener. Guess who called off today when they were supposed to close?
Dawna.
Guess who was the mid?
Me.
So no one else could cover the closing hours. Two days, 27 hours of work total. Almost no sleep last night, because I stayed up til like 4:45 talking to someone, cuz I'm an idiot, and now I'm all out of balance.

As a kick in the pants, I also get to close tomorrow. The only day this week I was actually scheduled to do so. I suppose, at least, I'll get a decent paycheck out of all of this... Total of 11 hours of overtime. Not too bad. Tho I would much rather not feel like crap at the moment.

And you say the time goes rushing by
But it seems so slow to me
And you see a blur around you fly
But it takes too long, it seems so slow to me
Time keeps draggin on...
"The Ballad of Barry Allen" - Jim's Big Ego

Bleh.

I still don't have much to write about, so here's a general update on life...

I'm losing weight, yay.
Part of that is that I'm getting slimmer.
I'm working my way to drinking almost water only.
I'm really.. REALLY tired.
Insomnia is a drag.
So are early shifts on little sleep.
I'm very glad I only work for 4 hours tomorrow.
I was actually pretty insulted by something my sister did today.
I need to decide if I want to go to a birthday party this weekend... hmm.

I'm going to go sleep now before I pass out on the keyboard.

The perfect are the most flawed.

I really, honestly, have nothing to say right now. I was called perfect for someone recently, which is nothing new, I'd heard it all before. Thing is, I'm not perfect in any way. I just have flaws that are beneficial for others and potentially harmful for me. It's fun times.

"It's good to be the hero sometimes, isn't it? Getting to fly in and save the day... Feels good. Maybe someday you'll get to do it in real life.."

I may have spent a good two hours today sitting down and working out the math and science behind throwing lightning. Figured it out pretty good in theory, but in practice it would probably just explode in my face. Next up? Ionic propulsion.

Why yes, I am going to be Iron Man.

Today...

Was just... Meh. So I was at work, not much to do, because the past two days (read: the ones for MY scorecard this month) were understaffed and over volume (read: poor results, the opposite of what I want for my scorecard), so today was rebuilding. Yaaay. -_-

Tho I did have my review for LAST month, which was fine.. Took about an hour, had to go over stuff that I'm supposed to enter achievements on for my annual review... I've listed them for my personal goals and project oriented things, but not for my day to day job, because.. well.. I don't feel I achieve anything with my day to day. I do what I'm supposed to and get good results. Is it really an achievement to do what you were hired to do? APPARENTLY. So I need to work on that.

I'm mildly insulted by the suggestion that as long as I talk to my ex, we will inevitably be "doomed" to want to be with one another. I would be greatly insulted, but it's pretty true I suppose. Doesn't mean I'd let it happen, but whatever. I don't see any reason to throw away a friendship right now, especially one where the other person understands me almost better than I know myself.

I can't really think of anything else to write about. I would throw out a post on fortune cookie wisdom, but then I get carried away and write a book... So instead I'll close with some lyrics.


I'll never give up - never give in
Won't stop believing cause I'm gonna win
Sing with my soul before I get old
Cause there may be no tomorrow
There is no limit to what can be done
Climbing the mountain with power so strong
Dusty roads - down the way
Leaving the future behind me

"Spirit Never Dies" by Masterplan.

Well now

I genuinely can't think of anything to write about... So here's one of the best things I've ever heard.

"You know why you're so funny when you're drunk? Because you're actually nice! Like, seriously dude, you'll walk up to me and be like 'Robert... You're a great friend"

This was said to me the other night. I thought I was usually nice, except on the internet and to stupid people...

The energy it takes to move is precious, watch how you use it.

So... Balance.

It's a fun thing to learn how to do. I remember when I was a kid and I had absolutely horrid balance... Then I somehow got signed up for ballet, and bam, here I am, 20 years later with great balance.

Fun things to think about...

A balanced movement involves the entire body... Think of it as though you're attached to a pulley. If you move your arms and want to maintain balance while also conserving energy, you don't move one arm. You move both. Imagine a that a rope goes from each wrist to a point behind you... Now start walking. Your natural movement for your arms is that one swings back, the other swings forward. Lather, rinse, repeat. Pulley = balance.

It really applies to everything. Life is give and take, gain and loss. No one gets everything without paying for it in some way, and no one loses everything without gaining something in return.. It just isn't always what you're looking for. Balance in your everyday life is important, because it makes everything much easier to look at and deal with. Stress is killer if you don't balance it with something to relax.

For me, I have a few ways to relax... First, video games with friends. ESPECIALLY Castle Crashers. Wow, that game is fun. Zelda, different RPGs, things like that. Second, doodling. I'm very slowly working on my book, but doodling is what keeps me relaxed. Third... Well, let's be honest. I'm a flirt. I flirt a considerable amount with almost every attractive girl I know. Playfully, of course, with no real intent of starting something, because in most cases that would be awkward.

SPEAKING of which.. There's this girl, right.. Who I've been talking to recently, playing Halo, whatever. No biggie. Being a flirt, I have of course flirted, because she's attractive. No other motives, it's just part of my personality. Plus, she lives on the other side of the country, and that kinda crap can go to hell. Not doing that again. And she apparently has the same sentiment. OR SO SHE SAID.

So there's this friend of my roommate.. We'll call him Bob. Bob plays Halo with us. It is common knowledge that I am an asshole on the internet, and I act like I'm better than everyone... Either at the game, or at life (because I usually am, and it makes it more fun when there's banter). Apparently after they "met" (I was in a game with her, he joined us), they decided to start dating via Halo. This is fine, I don't judge either of them for that, and really I can't. Two days? Hell, that's plenty of time.

No, I judge on the fact that she thought this would make me sad. Me. Sad. Over a girl I've casually flirted with dating someone. It was to the point (before I knew they were "dating") that she was telling me over and over that she was sorry, and that she didn't want to make me sad. I wasn't sad, I just wasn't responding to all of her text messages because I was at work and in a bad mood because of it. Doesn't matter what I say, clearly I'm sad because she isn't madly in love with me. THIS IS A RECURRING THEME. It happens more often then I care to admit, and I always feel kind of bad when I explain that I really don't care if they date someone... It's like.. Crushing a part of their soul. It would never have occurred to me that people get upset that they haven't upset a friend. Like, really? YOU'RE sad because I'm NOT sad? Get over yourself already. THOSE people need some balance. Balance your ego with how you treat your friends.

Apparently she's now accepted that I'm not sad, and she doesn't need to feel bad about this. In other news, one of the many girls I know who went batshit crazy has accepted that she is, in fact, batshit crazy, and I was the most perfect person she was ever with. If I ever need fuel for my ego, it's right there. Someone who broke up with ME has acknowledged that they made a huge mistake, and I am awesome.

Game, set, match. I'm flippin' BATMAN.

Rambling...

So I'm a big believer that things happen. Not necessarily for a reason, but things do, in fact, happen. Trying to keep things from happening just leads to something else happening. Trying to do nothing is in fact doing something, so you can't escape the universal truth. Things are, whether you like it or not, going to happen.

So, today, I decided to see what random chance had to say about things happening, and I did it in the best way I could think of.

I used a Magic 8 Ball.

For those not "in the know", a Magic 8 Ball is a very simple device. It's a hollow ball, with a big 8 on one side and a window on the other. This hollow ball is filled with blue liquid and a die, which has on each side different responses.

It works like this... You hold the 8 ball, number side up. You ask a yes-no question. Turn the ball over and read your answer. As long as you're asking a yes-no question, the 8 ball has an answer. Sometimes you ask something as simple as "Do I want lemonade?", other times you can ask "Will there ever be world peace?"... Doesn't matter, because it's still yes or no.

So, being the super serious person I am, I asked the 8 ball all the serious questions about my life I could think of. Will I ever get married? Will I have any kids? Will I live a good life and die happy? Will I ever develop super powers? These are all questions that have been bouncing around inside my sleep deprived head as of late. Imagine my displeasure to see that all of the responses I got were negative.

How do you respond to the universe telling you that you will never get married, have children, live a happy life, or develop super powers? I mean really? Was that necessary? And yes, the 8 ball is a direct conduit to universal truth. How? Chance. Nothing determines the outcome except pure, random chance. Things happen, you can't predict it all.... But you can leave it all to chance.

There have been a whopping two times in my life that I felt I was in love with them and thought it might end up with me getting married, something that I didn't really ever plan on doing. Since I was old enough to realize the emotions that go with it, I pretty much decided it wasn't for me... I'm pretty ruled by my emotions, you see. I take things personally, and sometimes I hold a grudge (not often)... So, any situation where I would have to be in a deep, long lasting emotional attachment and deal with things like that seems like a poor decision on my part. And the first time, it was a poor decision. A very poor decision. And luckily for me, she declined... Had she not, I probably would have jumped off a cliff. A very high, very steep cliff, with sharp, pointy rocks at the bottom. Second time wasn't so much a mistake as poor timing, but eh. Live and learn I suppose.

Things happen. Whether you want them to or not. Once you realize that, it becomes much easier to pick yourself up and move on. Things are still going to happen, and if you aren't there to experience them, well... That's really your loss, isn't it?

Our lives are shaped by several factors. The people we know and are around, the things we experience, and how the world responds to them. I've been shaped over the past 25 years into who I am by events and people, no matter how minor.. Some I could control, and some I was just a bystander for. I've experienced my share of ups and downs, happiness and heartbreak, moments of doubt and moments of confidence. And they've all made me who I am.

I'm arrogant. I'm sarcastic. I'm bullheaded. I'm the guy who would stand and look straight into the eyes of impending doom and crack a smile, because I would rather face a challenge on my feet then die on my knees.

I'm self conscious. I'm soft spoken. I'm contemplated. I'm courageous enough to face hardships and take the grief for my actions onto my own conscience... And suffer under the weight of that grief.

This is who I am. It's who I was years ago. I'm proud of the person I've become. I'm proud of the friends I've made and the bonds I've created. I'd like to think some of them feel the same.

I am who I am, and I won't betray myself for anyone, no matter how great they may look in my eyes. It doesn't matter if I love you or hate you, you won't change me into something I'm not. And if all you care about is who you want me to be, not who I am, you may as well just shut the door on me right now... Because I don't need you.